Our Loneliness is Killing Us

Let’s talk about loneliness.

Not the loneliness where you feel a little off for a day. I’m talking about the kind that creeps into your life slowly. The kind where you realize you’re seeing your friends less, time with loved ones is non-existent, and swapping real connection for likes, notifications, and parasocial relationships.

According to United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, it’s a full-blown epidemic.

Poor or limited social connection can have serious physical health impacts, including a 29% higher risk of heart disease, a 32% higher risk of stroke, and a 50% higher likelihood of developing dementia in older adults. Furthermore, social isolation raises the risk of premature death by over 60%.

And the data from Jonathan Haidt’s, The Anxious Generation (incredible book) backs it up.

Back in 1980s, nearly half of high school seniors were meeting up with their friends every day. These numbers held fairly constant throughout the next 20+ years.

But something dramatic happened towards the end of the 2000s.

2010 marked the moment when smartphones truly took hold. The App Store was in full swing, and social media apps like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter were starting to explode. Suddenly, it became easier (and more addictive) to connect online than to make plans in person.

By 2020? That number dropped to just 28% for females and 31% for males.

It’s not just teens—across all age groups, the time people spend with friends has been tanking since 2010.

While social media usage is skyrocketing…

Meanwhile, in Blue Zones—places like Okinawa, Japan, and Sardinia, Italy—community is everything. These are the places where people live the longest and healthiest lives, and one of their key “secrets” isn’t diet or exercise.

It’s connection.

People in these regions spend real, meaningful time with friends, family, and neighbors. And those relationships aren’t just nice to have—they’re literally saving their lives.

Let’s contrast that with what’s happening here.

Social media promised us connection, but what it really gave us is a substitute. Instead of sitting across from a friend, we’re staring at a screen. We scroll through highlight reels instead of living our own. While it feels like connection in the moment, it’s hollow.

I don’t mean to fear-monger, but I can’t see a world in where this doesn’t get worse.

Not only are we spending less time with real people, but we’re starting to replace human relationships altogether.

Platforms like Character.AI are exploding in popularity, with users spending an average of 2 hours per day talking to virtual characters. Many users are forming emotional attachments to these AI characters, treating them like close friends, sexual partners, and confidants.

SocialAI (which is such an ironic name because it’s the most dystopian, anti-social thing I’ve ever seen), allows you to create an entire X (Twitter)-esque social feed where every person you interact with is a bot, there to agree with, argue against, support, question, and troll your every remark.

Think about that: instead of grabbing coffee with a friend or calling a loved one, people are pouring hours into conversations with bots designed to ‘simulate connection’ and offer companionship that feels “real” without any of the work.

They don’t challenge you, they don’t misunderstand you, and they’re always available.

And that’s the problem. Real relationships take effort. They require vulnerability, compromise, and navigating conflict.

But when your "relationship" is powered by an algorithm, it’s tailored to give you exactly what you want—no mess, no misunderstandings, and no growth.

If the platform decides to update its system or tweak how the chatbot responds, that “relationship” changes overnight. Imagine building your emotional world around something that could vanish with a software update.

Unfortunately, this has already had devastating consequences. Earlier this year, there was a heartbreaking story of a young man who reportedly took his own life after his interactions with Character.Ai, who he had become deeply attached to (both emotionally and romantically), spiraled.

Truly fucked up.

So, what’s the fix?

It’s simpler than you think: prioritize connection. Call a friend. Meet up in person. Join a group, have dinner, or just go for a walk together. If you’re a parent, let your kids play without micromanaging every interaction. The small stuff—laughing over a meal, sharing a story, or just being present—adds up in ways that matter more than you realize.

When you do, pay attention to how it feels.

I promise — no amount of likes, comments, shares or AI chatbot connection will be able to truly replicate that.

Resources

Kanso Digital Wellness Coaching: If you’re looking for 1:1 personalized digital wellness detox plans & daily accountability coaching, sign up here and use the code FIRST50 for 50% off your plan. (expires at the end of month)

Kanso Community: A Slack community and weekly calls for those dedicated to cutting digital distractions and reclaiming their time for what truly matters.

If you’re not ready for coaching, but still looking for accountability, support, and digital wellness education, this is for you. Join the community here.

Digital Detox Tools: A free directory of 75+ digital wellness products, software, and services. Access it here.

That’s all for this week. Stop scrolling and go do something great!

Randy