Stop Petting It

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A few notes before we jump in:

1) If you’re in NYC, the next Kanso unplugged social experience is on April 16th. Grab your tickets here. 

2) I’m starting to have more and more conversations where people have already heard about this newsletter + Kanso. So sick.

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Alright, game time.

This week in our Kanso Reset45 cohort, we kicked off the topic of deepening personal relationships. The kind that actually matter.

A partner. A friend. A parent. A kid.

A girl that you haven’t spoken to since high school but still care about what she thinks of you so you’re scared to create content and show your true self online even though it could lead to life-changing opportunities.  

(sorry, did I strike a nerve?)

Almost everyone I work with has one of these people in their Rocks & Pebbles. You want more quality time with them. You want to be more present. You want it to count.

And yet somehow, when we actually get time with them, we bring our phones along (and pet them) like emotional support animals.

We end up spending that “quality” time next to the people who truly light us up (or even worse sending them a slew of brain-dead rot memes on Instagram) instead of actually being with them.

So we explored a few ways to shift out of those auto-pilot default communication methods:

→ Swapping texts for more personal touchpoints (voice notes, FaceTimes, random out-of-the-blue calls to show them you care, ACTUAL in-person quality time when proximity allows).

→ Setting social anchors—recurring time on the calendar with the people who matter.

→ Following through when someone says “We should do something soon” instead of letting that sentence die a slow, unfulfilled death.

→ And most importantly… making these hangouts phone-free.

That last one tends to ruffle feathers. Suggest a phone-free dinner, and you’d think you asked them to amputate a limb.

“That’s extreme.” “I’m not addicted.” “I need it in case someone dies.”

People get defensive, as if suggesting it is the same as calling them bad friends or bad parents.

But it’s not a jab. It’s a compliment. A rare one tbh.

It’s saying “I like being around you enough to actually want to be here.” or “I care about this time we have together. We don’t get enough of it. So I want to make it count.”

So no, I don’t want to split your attention with someone OnlyFans girl shaking ass on Instagram meme pages or whatever LinkedIn self-proclaimed ‘thought leader’ and ‘brand-wizard’ is yelling about 10xing your AI workflow this week.

The easiest way to test this out is at a dinner with friends. Everyone stacks their phones in the middle of the table (bonus points if everyone puts it away from their person and out of sight) and whoever caves first picks up the check.

It sounds a little gimmicky until you try it and then suddenly, the table feels different.

People look at each other more. Jokes land better. Stories get longer. Nobody’s reflexively checking the time, because for once, it doesn’t feel like it’s slipping away.

All because we removed the default distraction.

We didn’t add anything magical. We just took away the one thing keeping us slightly numbed out.

Addition by subtraction baby! One of my favorite concepts.

And yeah, you probably will reach for your phone during a moment where the conversation dies even though you can SEE IT right on the table in front of you.

But keep telling me you don’t have a problem.

Anyway, back to Reset45. Minutes after we wrapped up this week’s session my friend sent me an article about the Los Angeles Angels going phone-free in their clubhouse.

Their new manager, Ron Washington, kicked off spring training by banning phones in the clubhouse and at lockers. Players caught scrolling owe $500.

The players are bought tf in. Mike Trout—14 seasons deep, 11-time All-Star—said it’s made the clubhouse feel tighter. Guys talk now. Joke around. Swap stories. Ask questions. Help each other.

They even started reading again. Books. Like it’s 2006.

Pitcher Reid Detmers is chopping it up with vets and getting free game from Kyle Hendricks. José Suarez is bouncing between lockers like a bilingual social butterfly. Players are engaged. Not just in the season, but with each other as humans.

“For me personally, and I know other guys have said it's actually brought the team way closer,” Zach Neto said. “Everybody's just talking to each other and just having conversations with each other.”

Tyler Anderson added, “It’s better because it just keeps guys out, moving and doing stuff instead of just sitting there,” Anderson said. “I feel like just sitting there doing nothing is a big deterrent to success.”

The crazy thing is Ron Washington has been on the no-phone wave for a minute. He first instituted the rule during his tenure with the Rangers from 2007-14, where vets like Michael Young, Adrian Beltré and Ian Kinsler enforced it for the same $500 fine.

Washington wholeheartedly believes it helped them build the chemistry that led to back-to-back World Series appearances in 2010 and ’11.

I don’t doubt it for a second.

I think this story is dope on so many levels and I hope we see more of this.

But in the meantime, pick someone you love or haven’t seen in a while (bonus points if both). Schedule some time to hang. Give your emotional support phone one last final pet and turn it off.

You’ll thank me later 🫡

My Businesses & Social Links

If you’re looking to improve your digital wellness, here are a few places to start:

Kanso Experiences - Unforgettable phone-free social experiences for ambitious people who are tired of the feed and hungry for real relationships.

NYC currently (next event on April 16th!), SF, LA, London coming in next four months!

Kanso Reset45 Cohorts - A cohort-based system to reprogram your tech habits in 45 days. Next one goes live in June. If you’re interested in joining, reply to this email.

Kanso 1:1 Digital Wellness Accountability Coaching - For those who need high-touch, personalized support and daily ongoing accountability.

The Digital Reset Journal - The first journal designed to help you build a healthier relationship with tech

Digital Detox Tools - A free directory of 100+ digital wellness tools to integrate into all areas of your life.

Follow me across platforms:

X/Twitter (@GinsburgRandy)

Instagram (@randy_ginsburg)

YouTube (@KansoRandy) - a lot more coming here soon

LinkedIn

You can find Kanso across Instagram and TikTok @getkanso too.

That’s all for this week.

Now stop scrolling & go do something great!

— Randy