The Hidden Cost of Chasing Engagement

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In my short time on this planet, I’ve had a few significant personal and career inflection points. Each of these required going against the grain, ignoring the status quo, and betting on myself.

Each of these was also a product of doing the exact opposite of what 98% of people told me to do.

The hard truth about taking the unconventional path is that most people won’t understand you.

So be prepared. Instead of excitement, you’ll be met with pushback — advice masked in projection of their own fear and lack of risk tolerance.

They won’t understand what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, or how you’re doing it. Because of this, they also won’t know how to support you on whatever that path is.

Even though that’s often the only thing you’re desperately yearning for.

Every entrepreneur, creative, and self-starter knows the feeling. You put something out into the world (your work, your ideas, your vision etc) and then brace yourself for the response.

Maybe people get it. Maybe they don’t. Maybe they cheer you on. Maybe they ignore you entirely.

And in today’s world, that validation (or lack of it) often plays out in real-time on a screen.

But here’s the hard truth: If you’re doing something unconventional, expecting conventional validation is a trap.

As a founder creator, artist, or anyone who creates anything online, we’ve been conditioned to measure our worth in response to our work —likes, comments, shares, reactions.

But we’ve also become way too dependent on this validation, often without considering who it’s actually coming from.

I’ve always loved the concept of creating for your ideal audience and finding your 1000 true fans.

Could I get more engagement and money selling “get rich quick” courses to a bunch of 19-year-old aspiring Miami ecom bros who dream of buying a Lambo to ‘pull baddies’ and flex on Instagram?

Maybe. But then I’d have to build for them. Cater to them. Spend my time surrounded by them.

I’d quite honestly rather eat dirt.

In the past week, I’ve had the opportunity to connect with Reboot readers & Kanso event guests from all over the world—India, Mexico City, London, Berlin, New York, LA. You guys are incredible.

Thoughtful, curious, smart, proactive, interesting. The exact people I want to (and will continue to) build for.

And that’s the thing: what you put out on the internet is a magnet for what you get back.

If you chase empty engagement, you’ll attract an audience that’s only there for the dopamine hit. If you create with intention, you’ll attract the people who actually value what you do.

But there’s a catch (there always is!)

These people don’t always ‘show up’ for you online. Some of the most valuable supporters will never hit “like”, leave a comment, or stroke your ego with fire emojis.

But they’re paying attention and absorbing. And when the time is right, they’ll take action in ways that matter—buying your product, making the perfect referral, or unlocking an opportunity you never thought existed.

This is where most people get stuck. Because we’ve been trained to believe that if something isn’t getting engagement, it isn’t working. If it isn’t instantly validated, it isn’t valuable.

But that’s a lie.

Most of the needle-pushing, inflection-point-driving work happens in silence, in the moments of awe in between “sprints,” in periods of uninterrupted deep thought, reading, and speaking with others with different perspectives.

All the moments when the people and the algorithm aren’t watching.

The problem is that most people don’t stick around long enough to see the real impact. They pivot too soon. They water things down for mass appeal. They tweak their voice to fit what gets the most engagement instead of what actually resonates with the select people who truly value their work.

In other words, they let the audience they don’t want dictate what they create.

And that my friends is the biggest trap of all. One that I have fallen into nearly every time I’ve committed to building something on the internet in the past 10 years and I’m only starting to learn from it.

Because when you start building for attention instead of alignment, you end up surrounded by people who don’t even care about what you’re actually trying to do.

But truly go against the grain and build something special, you have to do more than niche down & ignore conventional wisdom.

You have to break free from conventional digital habits.

• You have to detach from the need to be constantly seen.

• You have to do things that may be viewed as cringe (my buddy Jason Levin wrote a great piece on this) 

• You have to resist the reflex to check metrics as the only measure of meaning

• You have to trust that just because something isn’t going viral doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable.

And that’s not easy. Every part of the digital world is designed to make you crave instant feedback and mass acceptance.

But some of the best things you’ll ever create won’t be fully understood in a day, a week, or even a year. The long game doesn’t come with instant gratification.

The real work happens in the quiet moments. When no one is watching. When the internet goes silent. That’s where momentum is built. That’s where clarity is found.

Other Resources

Kanso Digital Wellness: Gave the site a nice upgrade to showcase more of our events + digital wellness accountability system for those looking to break their digital addictions, reduce dopamine burnout, and unlock more focus, clarity, and success. Check it out here.

The Digital Reset Journal: The first mindfulness journal specifically geared towards building a healthier relationship with technology. If your New Year’s resolution includes “less screen time” or “being more present,” I guarantee this will help. Check it out here.

Roast My Screen Time: Upload screenshots of your screen time data and get ruthlessly roasted by AI. Give it a spin here.

Digital Detox Tools: A free directory of 75+ digital wellness products, software, and services. Access it here.

That’s all for this week. Now stop scrolling and go do something great!

Thanks for reading,

Randy