The Small Talk Problem

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1) If you’re looking to spend quality offline time with quality people, I’d highly reccomend checking out one of Kanso’s Here & Now phone-free events.

• New York - 10/22

• San Francisco - 10/23 

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Life has been in a whirlwind recently in the best way possible. Much of this has been due to the growing momentum of my company, Kanso.

This all dates back to last August, when I decided to run a social experiment

What would happen if you put 50 ambitious, driven New Yorkers in a room together and locked away their phones?

Turns out a bunch of really great things.

Immediately after the event, I had people come up to me saying it was the best experience they’ve had in New York. Guests stayed well past the allotted event duration, and many went on to form real friendships after meeting there. One guy even met an investor who wired money into his startup the very next day.

It was clear that I was onto something, but I still didn’t know exactly how it would take shape. So I sat on the idea for the rest of 2024.

At the start of 2025, I decided to really commit to building a company focused on helping people create healthier relationships with technology. Kanso was born.

My take on screen time is simple: the best way to cut it down is to design a life so full of purpose, novelty, and experience that scrolling doesn’t even feel appealing.

At the core of that is people. And with the data clearly signaling a booming loneliness epidemic, it’s clear we’re not spending nearly enough time with those around us.

So I set out with a simple equation: How can we help people meet more like-minded people in their own communities and turn these interactions into real friendships?

In the last 10 months, we’ve hosted 14 events in New York, San Francisco, San Diego, and London, bringing in close to 500 people and partnering with over a dozen brands and organizations.

The ‘Here & Now’ event format that we've landed on is deceptively simple:

1. Show up (sounds easy, but the idea of going phone-free for some people even for a short amount of time is scary)
   

2. Lock your phone away in our phone lockers (completely off your person, because even having it off but near you hurts your thinking)
   

3. Spend quality time, fully present and undistracted, with the quality people around you

And it works so damn well. Here’s why.

When you meet someone out, you’re going to fall into small talk. No one loves it, but every relationship starts there. What happens after small talk decides whether a relationship flourishes into a friendship or fizzles out.

After 5–7 minutes, you hit a crossroads:

• Ask a deeper question, sit through a brief moment of awkward silence, and move forward.
  

• End the conversation by pulling out your phone.

Pulling out your phone is a huge fuck you to the other person. When this happens, (aside from being offended), the other person will mirror you, pull out theirs, and both of you retreat.

At our events, that choice doesn’t exist. I’ve watched countless people hit this exact moment, reach for their phone as a social crutch, and then laugh because they realize what they’re doing.

No phones means you’re forced to ask a question that digs deeper and gets to really know someone. Once you break through the initial friction, like anything, there’s a lot of great stuff on the other side.

Just like the first event, we constantly now have people who stick around well after we’ve technically ended, simply because they’re enjoying being present for the first time in a long time. I’ve literally had to beg them to take their phones back so our team can go home.

In just a handful of events, hundreds of new friendships have formed. People have gone on dates, started group chats, opened offices together, and much more. Being part of it feels incredible.

Here are a few of my favorite pics from our NYC event last week:

The good news: we’re just getting started, and we’re looking for people to help grow this mission.

• If you live in the U.S. and want to start a Kanso chapter in your city, reply to this email.
  

• If you live anywhere in the world and are great at organic social media growth (ironic, I know), reply to this email.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this experience so far, it’s this: people are craving uninterrupted, unbombarded, undistracted time offline. They want to meet new friends and do fun things with them. We’re social beings that have become incredibly unsocial due to a variety of factors, addictive tech design being one of them.

If there’s one thing you can do for your health this week, it’s to find a friend or someone in your community and spend quality time together without your phone.

Bonus points if you can organize a small dinner or gathering. So many people want to be more social but feel like they don’t have the time, courage, or organizational abilities to make it happen. Being that person is one of the highest-leverage things you can do.

The art of human connection is fading. We have a rare chance to bring it back.

But only if you do your part.

That’s it for this week, see you on the flip!

— Randy